Hormones, you're a bitch.

I hope not to be too sappy, but I felt compelled to post about how in love I am with my daughter. I am sitting in bed listening to her breathe over the baby monitor. She is five months old and I feel like my itty-bitty baby is already a big girl. Here's proof:

Here she is about twenty minutes old. I was so tired and dazed from the two days before, that I had no idea that my life would never be the same.

How did I get so lucky to end up with these two? I think I'll go on the rest of my life trying to figure that out.

And here she is in her Halloween costume. How did she get so big so fast?

Not so sure about Santa.

Looking back at the pictures of 'Little Baby' Mona I wish that I could have enjoyed her smallness more. I lived in a haze of hormones, constantly concerned about something rather than enveloped in wonder over this little baby that belonged to me. There is so much clarity in looking at the past. I'm not going to wallow in the sadness that I let so much time slip by before I let myself fall in love. Instead I am taking every day and every moment with her and attempting the impossible...to slow down time to completely enjoy every amazing moment with her. If you ever read this Mona, please know that I am more in love with you than I ever thought I could be. I want you to be healthy and happy above all things.

Fickle

December 1st. The calendar was pretty easy on me today. I had to get a bit creative when it came to fertilizing the greenhouse, but I was so thankful to get back into yoga. I had all intentions of going to the yoga class offered at Jacob's Well but family obligations trumped. Instead I found a show online which offered me the freedom of completing the poses in the privacy of my own home. In the introductions the instructor spoke about the breath and how it is the connection of the spirit and the mind. I once heard someone explain that the Hebrew word for God is pronounced as if you were breathing, that at the very core of who we are, our breath, we are naming our creator. Since then I have been drawn to breath and breathing analogies. One such analogy was in the documentary An Inconvenient Truth. Many charts and graphs were used to show just how screwed we all are. It made me want to never have children and to start praying for those poor polar bears stranded in the cold water looking for an ice chunk to float on. Besides the polar bears I do remember one chart showing the Earth's release of Carbon Dioxide and Al describing that even the Earth breathes. To me there is comfort knowing that in the end no matter who we are, how terrible we have allowed ourselves to become we still say God's name. Even the Earth says God's name.

Really, Martha? Really?

The majority of my college experience was fighting off boredom. My course work was difficult enough, but not too terribly time consuming. I lived with four other girls but they were either studying or hanging out with their boyfriends, so I tried hard to find SOMETHING to do. I wanted so badly to have this booming social life where I only had time to think about what to wear to the next random date or party. When the social calendar never quite filled like I hoped, I sought to pick up new hobbies or learn new skills. One of these skillful hobbies I attempted was painting. I secretly hoped with my first painting I would figure out that I had this crazy, awesome, undiscovered talent. I borrowed a few tubes of acrylic paint and bought a value pack of paint brushes at the craft store. I knew it was my destiny to become a famous painter so I went ahead and purchased four canvases of different sizes. My first painting was decent for a beginner who will never go on to paint another painting, and still hangs in my step-mother's bathroom. Surprised as you might be, I did not end up becoming famous but I was impressed by how well I did with a plan and some limited resources. And you know, I've always done well with limited resources. Having free reign to do or use or be whatever I want is very overwhelming for me. I like restrictions and restraints. I get creative when I have limits. I've started blogs in the past but they lasted only an entry or two. So when I started this blog I tried to find direction through limitations. I needed something to write about. I could do a mommy blog....gross. I could do a craft blog...I'm not that crafty. I could do a blog about my encounters a work...boring. I needed a challenge. One with a definite time frame. This brings to me to the loved and hated Martha Stewart. Flipping through her magazine for the upcoming month an idea hit me. What if for a month I try to be like Martha? Heck she has her monthly schedule outlined at the beginning of of every magazine. WWMD. So that is what I am going to try to do. This will be a way to guide my creativity and provide topics to discuss on the blog. December is crazy as it is, but this year I have an infant AND I am going to try to be like Martha. We'll see if it will last. Yikes! I just glanced at the calendar and it looks like on the 18th I will be hosting an Eggnog party in the afternoon and attending Kevin's birthday dinner that evening. Who the hell is Kevin?

I'm not invisible. I have a voice.

Just a test.

Wish me luck.

Who's gonna read this?

Will I really take pictures?

Just gonna see how long this lasts.

Wonder what this might turn into, if anything.

I am not a good writer, not to mention a terrible speller.

Hoping there will be more photos than thoughts, but as of now, for this post, the opposite is true.